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[03 Jun 2007|02:34am] |
cranium, not as bad a game as i thought. i still hate charades and pictionary, but at least with cranium you can avoid them if you really try. three more days here then i'm gone.
i wish i could leave right now. i'm so restless now that school is done.
and though i only took three classes this semester, i got A's in all of them. i'm happy to know i was never dumb, just depressed.
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(paint a picture)
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[24 May 2007|12:47pm] |
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it's been over a year since i posted here. and probably the only reason i am doing so now is because i'm currently supposed to be writing a paper. ah, i forgot how often i used to use this as a form of procrastination. in two weeks i'm going on my "Transcontinental Extravaganza!!!" i'm going to connecticut. while there taking a trip to new york and possibly boston. then i'm flying to san francisco for a week or so. most of the friends i'm visiting have 9-5 jobs so i'll be entertaining myself. maybe i'll post photos on here along the way or maybe even real updates about what's going on in my life.
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(paint a picture)
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[18 Mar 2006|01:06am] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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seeing minus the bear tonight was about as good as the first time i saw them at the mermaid lounge. they are awesome, especially live. weeee!
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(paint a picture)
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| i'll take the slow life like a cowboy |
[28 Dec 2005|11:48pm] |
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music |
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murder by death |
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i leave on friday for new orleans. i will be there a week. i'm so excited to see everyone, i don't know how i'm gonna sleep the night before. i hope i get to see everyone i want to. there are so many people and i'm not sure when i will be back there again. such a cliche, but its true, you don't really appreciate some things for what they are worth until they are gone. i miss the life i had. not just the city, but the endless support from my friends. just being able to sit next to them and watch tv helped more than they know. making new friends here is hard. there is such a big hole to fill. not that anyone can live up the them, but i can't really imagine anyone coming even close.
i'm glad that my sister is doing better and it's great to be here for her when she needs me. we go to museums and gardens and have lunches that no one else is allowed to attend. even though we don't i feel like we have a secret. something no one else can have. it'd be great to be able to have both lives. everything has changed so much in the past year. a year ago i was drinking almost everyday, and i'll just blame it on the stress of taking care of my sister by myself (though lynn and ron were extremely helpful). i just hope this new year brings less tears. after seeing certain people almost everyday for over a year to not knowing if i'll see them more than a couple a weeks in the entire year is strange. my plan to become a hermit in a mountain cave seems more and more appealing. there will be no changes. just me and my cave. until one day it turns out that my mountain is a volcano.
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(1 artist | paint a picture)
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| she can't dance |
[30 Nov 2005|07:17pm] |
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music |
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minus the bear |
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finally i'm being productive. its not much but its something. i emailed the radio station here, hopefully i can get involved with that. i'm finally making an effort to get into school for next semester. and i've been exercising again which makes me feel better. actually doing something besides sleeping all day puts me in a slightly better mood too. and i'm making plans to go to new orleans for new years. i hope that works out. now if i could just get some christmas shopping done, i'd be a little ahead.
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(paint a picture)
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[24 Nov 2005|01:53am] |
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mood |
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mono |
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tomorrow i see all my family. i haven't seen them since christmas. i'm not looking forward to explaining myself a hundred times. but i guess that's what you do with family. i don't hate my family, but why do they have to be so damn judgemental sometimes. hopefully i'm completely wrong and tomorrow goes nothing how i predict it will.
overall i'm doing ok. i'm tired though. all the time. i never want to get out of bed. i'm stuck in this rut. to feel better and get out of bed every morning i need friends and a job. to get a job and friends i need to get out of bed. now if only i could get friends to come get me out of bed or find a job that i can do in bed. i think my dad is worried about me. he ran into an old friend of mine and got her phone number for me. he's been bugging me to call her. its not that easy though. i just don't want to talk about it and its going to come up. i think i'm in denial now. i'm tired of whining and bitching about it. i'm tired of being depressed. i'm tired of feeling alone. i'm tired feeling like i'm not going anywhere. i'm tired of not feeling myself.
i'm sorry for always only complaining on here.
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(paint a picture)
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[07 Nov 2005|05:07pm] |
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music |
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against me! |
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i'm back from my trip. it was awesome. it snowed while i was in boston. we had a snowball fight around ben franklin's grave. i ate real new england clam chowder. i saw leaves in more colors than i've ever seen on trees. i experienced a noreaster. i got a first hand account of bad boston drivers. newbury comics has a great selection. i spent five hours in an art museum. the bowler hat installation was my favorite. seattle was rainy, but despite that it was fantastic. i think i could move there one day. i got to see minus the bear in seattle. not better than seeing them at the mermaid lounge, but still great.
as much as i want to see my friends and say good-bye to them properly, not a "see ya next week" good-bye, after this trip i realized its easier not to. i hated saying good-bye to lynn, mariah, brian, lauren, and cody, not really knowing when i'd see any of them again. granted i've been telling everyone i'll be there some time over christmas vacation, but who really knows what can happen to prevent that from happening. i'll figure it out. hopefully next semester i'll be busy with school and won't have time to miss anyone too much.
i think i should just stop thinking about the future so much right now and just see what happens day to day. i'm much better at that.
and i wish i could vote tomorrow. i'm pissed i didn't think about it until it was too late. they are voting about gay marriage here. i just got an automated phone call telling me to vote against it. bastards. i wish it had been a real person.
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(paint a picture)
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[25 Oct 2005|05:58am] |
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anxious |
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so i don't mean to sound completely depressed all the time. i'm leaving for conneticut in 15 minutes. i'm excited and very happy. some things do work out for me.
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[25 Oct 2005|12:27am] |
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wow, i know how to make a situation worse. i know few people over here and i manage to fuck up what was a really great friendship. you'd think i'd know by now when i should and shouldn't drink. that's what i get for being over dramatic about losing a fucking shoe.
and then i saw coheed & cambria tonight. they were great, but at the same time i didn't quite enjoy myelf because all i could think about was that i should be there with at leat five other people rather than by myself.
and i know there are worse things that could've happened to me in this mess, but knowing that doesn't make it hurt any less, it just makes me feel guilty for being upset.
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(2 artists | paint a picture)
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[18 Oct 2005|12:07am] |
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exhausted |
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i went to new orleans this past weekend. surprisingly, i only cried once. (it would have been more had my sister and dad not been there). i'm not sure if i made the right decision, but there's nothing i can do about it now. i went out to eat friday and saturday night. i ran into people i know both times. that's what i miss, knowing everybody. all i did was complain about what a small town new orleans was, and i miss that more than i thought i would. its nice to have all my stuff back, but at the same time, it means this is definate. it means i have to go and make new friends. i still refuse to, i'm not ready yet. even though i was planning on moving next summer, being forced to changed everything. i'd give anything to wake up and have this all be a dream.
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(2 artists | paint a picture)
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[09 Oct 2005|11:34pm] |
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sad |
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the elected |
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i tried being social this weekend. it didn't really work out. i didn't want to be there. i'm grateful to those who tried to entertain me, but i couldn't do it. all i wanted to do was come home. i don't know what it is. i don't want to talk to anyone, especially anyone new. i've been content being anti-social. i go to shows, stand by myself and like it that way. i've decided to become a hermit. i'm sure i won't stay like this forever.
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(2 artists | paint a picture)
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[01 Oct 2005|12:34am] |
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vaux - plague music |
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as much as i don't want to write this because i still try to deny it, i'm not moving back to new orleans. i'll visit all the time. i promise. god i'm gonna miss it. i don't know what to write to express how i feel about it. ugh. i'm going to two weeks to get my stuff.
on a happier note, in a month i'm going to conneticut/boston then to seattle. i'm so excited. it'll be great to see some friends again. and i'm happy i'll get to see what fall really looks like, you know, leaves that change to more colors than brown.
there isn't much else to write about. i don't do much. i take my sister to and from school, read and work on arts and crafts. i even have a logo if i ever get to the point of actually selling my stuff (purses, jewelry, etc).
miss you.
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(2 artists | paint a picture)
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[17 Sep 2005|11:05pm] |
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sufjan stevens |
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i had dinner with the step family today. it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. i got told by an old lady that i have pretty dimples. anyways, we finally moved in to the new house. a nice change from sleeping on a couch for 2 weeks with no time to myself. but i shouldn't complain. i'm sure some people would be grateful to be in my situation.
i've been thinking about what to do now that we can go back. my plan was just to go get my stuff and permanently move back here. i was asked if i would move back if my house was perfectly fine and i still had a job. i really don't know. i want to move back, but sadly money issues are a problem. but then i was looking up the cost of uhaul to bring all my stuff back and it was $1000. that's insane. that's such a waste of money. i'd rather sell what furniture i can and just have my dad bring a truck. he could bring the truck next summer and i can stay 'til then. but i have to make sure i go to school next semester to. and work enough to pay rent, which i wasn't before the hurricane, so how could i after. i'm just rambling now completely clueless about what to do. i thought i had it all figured out. i had planned on moving here next summer so it just happened sooner. i would go back to get my stuff and that would be the end of it. the more i'm asked by people if i would move back, the more i want to, the more it seems possible. ahhh! i think i'm getting more fearful of the idea of being here permanently, so putting it off by going back to new orleans for six months seems like a great idea. i really don't know. any ideas or comments would be appreciated.
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(3 artists | paint a picture)
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[12 Sep 2005|03:24pm] |
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against me! - unprotected sex with multiple partners |
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i haven't been doing much of anything. i went to austin this weekend which was entertaining, but hanging out with friends just makes me miss new orleans even more. i'm sure people are getting tired of me saying "in new orleans...". i compare everything to new orleans and nothing is that great. i'll get used to it soon, but until then, this isn't much fun.
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[02 Sep 2005|06:11pm] |
i'm staying at my dad's house in san antonio. if anyone needs a place to stay we have an extra bedroom and you're welcome to stay as long as necessary. also if you are transfering schools, i know that the university of texas and trinity university are taking students.
you can reach me 210-445-8292
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(4 artists | paint a picture)
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| in my dreams i'm often running |
[19 Jul 2005|01:16am] |
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mood |
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restless |
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music |
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eternal sunshine of the spotless mind soundtrack |
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i really want to go to the beach. i want the smell of sunscreen soaked in my skin. i want sand and coolers full of orange fanta. i want to lay on a beach towel twice the size of me and have severe tan lines. a summer without the beach just isn't a summer at all.
i don't sleep well anymore. i feel like i'm missing something.
that's pretty much been my summer, wanting to be at the beach and too much restless sleep.
i keep waiting for something to happen to me. i know its not gonna happen when my ass never leaves my house. it makes me too anxious though.
i have so much to talk about on wednesday.
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(paint a picture)
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| i hope that you feel rotten when you get what you earn |
[27 Jun 2005|11:51pm] |
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cynical |
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music |
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mono - mere your pathetique light |
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i have really updated in a while. no one really reads this anyway. its always been mostly for my sanity, but i've been keeping that on paper instead.
so my life is where its been for the past two years. stressed out about family shit and no clue what i'm doing with myself. in between all that i've had some fun times though. my trip to ireland was amazing. i really didn't want to come home. i really shouldn't have. it was great to have a change of scenery. i needed a trip away from new orleans that wasn't a trip home. everything is relatively normal now. i work at NY Pizza still. i bum around during the day and waste time. that's about it. but i've felt really out of place lately. i'm not sure what that's from. probably just me being retarded and emo. not much of an update...
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(paint a picture)
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| you said there would not be any reason to fear this world |
[25 Apr 2005|01:19am] |
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explosions in the sky |
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it's amazing how you may not like your family, but you still love them.
i don't dislike my family, but they drive me crazy sometimes. but i guess that's all families.
it took my dad three years, but he finally has his priorities right.
my brother needs to realize that though we're not perfect, we are still his family. and that just because i live in another state, doesn't mean i don't exist.
and my sister... everyone knows this story. maybe she'll realize and appreciate everything she has when she's older.
i'm going home on friday to visit them per my dad's request. he wants all of us to get together and talk about what we need to do to be a family again. we were happy at one time. and we still can be with her gone, it's just harder. hopefully this goes the way we both picture it.
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(2 artists | paint a picture)
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| i don't want to think at all |
[17 Apr 2005|10:08pm] |
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happy |
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jets to brazil |
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a dicussion about me the other night:
r: why is sarah acting weird?
l: how has she been acting weird?
r: she's been sitting in the sun and reading, looking content.
l: you mean she looks happy?
that wasn't exactly how the conversation went, but you get the point.
things have been good lately. i think we found a house. we still need to sign the lease so there's no guarantee yet, but its promising. i'm soooo excited about it. living with my best friends, its gonna be crazy. this summer is starting to look good too. i need another job though. anyone, feel free to help me out with that please. also anyone who can be bribed with beer or food to help us move, let me know.
also, i highly recommend reading Life of Pi.
adios.
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(1 artist | paint a picture)
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